About Work

The beatings will continue until morale improves.
If you can't convince them, confuse them.

Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.
According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.
A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill.
Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
Don't hate yourself in the morning - sleep till noon.
After the government takes enough to balance the budget, the taxpayer has the job of budgeting the balance.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Somedays it's just not worth chewing through the restraints...
It's not hard to meet expenses, they're everywhere.
I love my work, I could sit and watch it all day long.
I have no axe to grind, but I have an ivory letter opener that could use some sharpening.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
To err is human, to forgive is not Company Policy.
 If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job. 
If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
Warning:  Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Hard work has a future payoff.  Laziness pays off NOW.

Work is for people who don't know how to fish.
The really efficient laborer will be found not to crowd his day with work, but will saunter to his task surrounded by a wide halo of ease and leisure.        - Henry David Thoreau
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Not only do I not know what's going on, but I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.