Tower control

Pilot: Tower, please call me a fuel truck.
Tower: Roger. You are a fuel truck.

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Pilot: Bratislava Tower, this is Oscar Oscar Kilo established ILS 16.
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, Guten Tag, cleared to land 16, wind calm and by the way: this is Wien Tower.

Pilot: (After a short pause) Bratislava Tower, Oscar Oscar Kilo passed the outer marker.
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo roger, and once more: you are approaching Vienna!

Pilot: (After another short pause) Confirm, this is NOT Bratislava?
Tower: You can believe me, this is Vienna

Pilot: (After a long pause) But why? We want to go to Bratislava, not to Vienna!
Tower: Oscar Oscar Kilo, roger. Discontinue approach, turn left 030 and climb to 5000 feet, vectors to Bratislava.

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Tower: Shamu Two Two, please state estimated time of arrival.
Pilot: Ok, let's see. I think Tuesday would be nice.

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Tower: Have you got enough fuel or not?
Pilot: Yes.
Tower: Yes what?? Pilot: Yes, SIR!

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LH741: Tower, give me a rough timecheck
Tower: It's tuesday, Sir.

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Pilot: Ground, XY-line 195, requesting start-up.
Tower: Sorry, XY-line 195, we don't have your flight plan. What is your destination?
Pilot: As every Monday, to Vienna.
Tower: But today is Tuesday!
Pilot: WHAT? But we have free on Tuesday!

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Tower: Lufthansa 893, number one, check for workers on the taxiway.
Pilot: Roger. (After a short pause) We've checked the workers, they are all working.

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Tower: Delta Fox Alpha, hold position, Marshall will park you.
Pilot: Roger. Looking out for John Wayne.

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Tower: You have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!
Pilot: Give us another hint. We have digital watches!

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Tower: Mission 123, do you have problems?
Pilot: I think, I have lost my compass.
Tower: Judging the way you are flying, you lost the whole instrument panel.

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Pilot: Good morning, Frankfurt ground, KLM 242 request start up and push back, please.
Tower: KLM 242 expect start up in two hours.
Pilot: Please confirm: two hours delay?
Tower: Affirmative.
Pilot: In that case, cancel the good morning!

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Eggenfelden Info: D-EXXX please report persons aboard.
D-EXXX (C-172): Pilot and two pax and one dog.
Eggenfelden Info (after Cessna finally bounced to stop):
Assume the Pilot in Command was the dog?

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Tower: Washington D.C., Clearance Delivery: German Air Force 269, you are cleared to Destination Indian Springs 
via after take off radar vectors to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM pass BOM at 6000 feet or below 
after passing 15000 feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept j156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept j158 own
navigation read back.

Pilot: Roger German Air Force 269 is cleared to Destination Indian Springs via after take off radar vectors 
to 4000 feet thereafter present position direct BOM pass BOM at 6000 feet or below after passing 15000
feet turn right on heading 280 to intercept j156 direct ZZT thereafter intercept j158 own navigation and need another pencil.

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Tower: Hawk 20, is this the same aircraft declaring emergency about two hours ago?
Pilot: Negativ, Sir. It's only the same pilot.

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