* you can analyze the significance of appliances you cannot
* your office is better decorated than your apartment.
* you have ever, as a folklore project, attempted to track the
progress of your own joke across the Internet.
* you are startled to meet people who neither need nor want to
* you have ever brought a scholarly article to a bar.
* you rate coffee shops by the availability of outlets for your
* everything reminds you of something in your discipline.
* you have ever discussed academic matters at a sporting event.
* you have ever spent more than $50 on photocopying while
researching a single paper.
* there is a microfilm reader in the library that you consider
* you actually have a preference between microfilm and
* you look forward to summers because you're more productive
without the distraction of classes. you regard ibuprofen as a
* you consider all papers to be works in progress.
* you find the bibliographies of books more interesting than the
* you have given up trying to keep your books organized and are
now just trying to keep them all in the same general area.
* you have accepted guilt as an inherent feature of relaxation.
* you reflexively start analyzing those greek letters before you
realize that it's a sorority sweatshirt, not an equation.
* you find yourself explaining to children that you are in "20th
* you start refering to stories like "Snow White et al."
* you frequently wonder how long you can live on pasta without
* you look forward to taking some time off to do laundry
* you have more photocopy cards than credit cards
* you wonder if APA style allows you to cite talking to yourself
as "personal communication"
* you can identify universities by their internet domains
* you are constantly looking for a thesis in novels
* you have difficulty reading anything that doesn't have
* you understand jokes about Foucault
* the concept of free time scares you
* you consider caffeine to be a major food group
* you've ever brought books with you on vactaion and actually
* Saturday nights spent studying no longer seem weird
* the professor doesn't show up to class and you discuss the
* you've ever travelled across two state lines specifically to go
to a library
* you appreciate the fact that you get to choose which twenty
hours out of the day you have to work
* you still feel guilty about giving students low grades (you'll
get over it)
* you can read course books and cook at the same time
* you schedule events for academic vacations so your friends can
* you hope it snows during spring break so you can get more
* you've ever worn out a library card
* you find taking notes in a park relaxing
* you find yourself citing sources in conversation
* you've ever sent a personal letter with footnotes