How to stuff your Parrot for Christmas
Get up early in the morning and have a cup of coffee.
Its going to be a long day, so place your parrot on the perch nearby to keep you company whilst you prepare the meal. Remove parrot from kitchen top and return him to his perch.
Prepare stuffing, and remove parrot from the stuffing bowl and return him to his perch.
Stuff turkey and place in roasting pan, remove parrot from edge of pan and return him to his perch.
Have another cup of coffee to steady your nerves.
Remove parrot's head from turkey cavity and return him to his perch, then restuff turkey.
Prepare relish tray, and remember to make twice as much so that you will have enough when the parrot has eaten his fill. Remove parrot from kitchen top and return him to his perch.
Prepare cranberry sauce, remembering to discard any berries parrot has flung onto the floor.
Peel potatoes and remove parrot from edge of potato bowl, returning him to his perch.
Arrange sweet potatoes in a pan and cover with brown sugar and mini marshmallows. Return parrot to his perch and replace missing marshmallows.
Brew another pot of coffee. Whilst it is brewing, clean up torn filter paper, pry coffee bean from parrot's beak.
Have another cup of coffee and return parrot to his perch.
TIME TO SERVE THE MEAL
Place turkey on large platter, and cover beak marks with strategically placed sprigs of parsley.
Put mashed potatoes into bowl, rewhip at last minute to conceal beak marks and claw prints.
Place dish of sweet potatoes on sideboard, forget presentation as there is no way to hide areas of missing marshmallows.
Put hot rolls in bread basket, return parrot to his perch, remove beaked rolls and serve remainder.
Set a stick of butter out to soften, think better of it and return to refrigerator.
Wipe down kitchen top to remove mashed potato claw tracks, and return parrot to his perch.
Cut the pie into serving slices. Wipe whipped cream from parrot's beak and place large dollops of remaining cream on pie slices. Whole slices are served to guests, beaked out portions should be reserved for host and hostess.
Place parrot inside cage and lock the door.
Sit down to a nice relaxing meal with your family.....accompanied by plaintive cries of "WANT DINNER" from the other room.