Top Signs That You Are No Longer a Kid
* You're asleep, but others worry that you're dead.
* Your back goes out more than you do.
* Your best friend is dating someone half their age and isn't breaking any laws.
* Your arms are almost too short to read the newspaper.
* You sing along with the elevator music.
* You would rather go to work than stay home sick.
* You constantly talk about the price of gasoline.
* You enjoy hearing about other people's operations.
* You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
* You make an appointment to see the dentist.
* You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
* Neighbors borrow your tools.
* People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you ?"
* You have a dream about prunes.
* You answer a question with, "because I said so!"
* You send money to PBS.
* The end of your tie doesn't come anywhere near the top of your pants.
* You take a metal detector to the beach.
* You wear black socks with sandals.
* You know what the word "equity" means.
* You can't remember the last time you lay on the floor to watch television.
* Your ears are hairier than your head.
* You talk about "good grass" and you're referring to someone's lawn.
* You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
* You buy a compass for the dash of your car.
* You are proud of your lawn mower.
* You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
* You got cable for the weather channel. ("Old Folks MTV")
* You can go bowling without drinking.
* You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
* People send you this list.
* And you think it's original.
* Or funny.