• Your web page is more popular than you.
• Your favorite sport is Tetris.
• You know what fuzzy logic is.
• You talk to your computer.
• When given a choice, you look at Computer Shopper instead of Playboy.
• You argue with your computer.
• Your computer has its own phone line.
• You have dreams involving your computer.
• You try to pick up women on chat lines.
• You can talk to a woman about your hardware and not mean anything sexual.
• You spend Friday nights with your computer.
• You ask a woman for her email address instead of her phone number.
• You've never actually met many of your friends.
• You remember how to use DOS.
• You think Bill Gates is "a cool guy."
• Only computer users can understand you.
• Your home page is longer than your resume.
• You've ever installed Linux.
• You've missed the X-Files because you wanted to play on your computer.
• You always understand Dilbert.
• You regularly drink Jolt cola.
• You spend more time on the Internet than you do sleeping.
• You have multiple email addresses.
• You've ever setup a LAN in your house.
• You understood the above statement.
• You search the Internet for computer humor.
• Your idea of hurrying is typing faster.
• You keep spare mouse pads.
• You buy your computer gifts.
• You've ever been dumped for paying too much attention to your computer.
• Someone mentions foreign language and you think "Cobol".
• You regularly use a tape backup on files you have the original disks for.
• You get a new computer, take it out of the box, and you immediately remove the case.
• You have ever called home to check on your computer.
• You do processes in DOS instead of Windows not because it is faster, but because it just confuses people.
• You've ever considered getting a tattoo of the "Intel Inside" logo.
• You have a pet name for your computer, but not one for your penis.
• You know every law about computer piracy by heart, because you've been convicted on all of them.
• You no longer interact with your family, you send them email instead; in the same house.
• You check your email before you check your answering machine.
• You can program the next best thing to Windows, but you still can't get your VCR to stop flashing.
• You have more insurance on your computer than on your children.
• You receive more chat requests than phone calls.
• You stopped paying for call waiting because it kept knocking you off-line.
• You don't immediately go into gibbering panic when you hear of a new computer virus.
• You've ever emailed your assignment in to your professor.
• You've ever tried to see how far you can move the mouse without turning off the screen saver.
• You have dialed 911 and faxed them your problem.
• You call in sick to work over your computer.
• Your first aid kit contains Norton's Anti-Virus.
• You know what the acronyms HTML, URL, ISP, and HTTP each stand for.
• You tinker with computers at work all day, and when you finally get off work, you rush home to tinker with your computer.
• You dedicate your home page to your favorite actress in hopes that she will see it and desire to meet you.
• You have more than one home page.
• The closest you ever come to having sex is downloading nude pictures off of the Internet.
• You have a better computer system at home than at work.
• You get jealous when other people use your computer.
• You run back into your burning home to rescue your computer, but you leave the dog.
• You know exactly how much hard drive space you have free, but you don't know your spouse's birthday.
• You run Windows 95 and Windows 3.1 just because you can.
• You have the high score on Jezz Ball.
• You know what word 31337 stands for.
• You keep spare computer parts around the house.

More You Might Be a Computer Nerd If...
written by Mike Terzo