You Might Be a Computer Nerd if...
written by Nosferatu
- Your web page is more popular than you.
- Your favorite sport is Tetris.
- You know what fuzzy logic is.
- You talk to your computer.
- When given a choice, you look at Computer
Shopper instead of Playboy.
- You argue with your computer.
- Your computer has its own phone line.
- You have dreams involving your computer.
- You try to pick up women on chat lines.
- You can talk to a woman about your
hardware and not mean anything sexual.
- You spend Friday nights with your
- You ask a woman for her email address
instead of her phone number.
- You've never actually met many of your
- You remember how to use DOS.
- You think Bill Gates is "a cool
- Only computer users can understand you.
- Your home page is longer than your resume.
- You've ever installed Linux.
- You've missed the X-Files because you
wanted to play on your computer.
- You always understand Dilbert.
- You regularly drink Jolt cola.
- You spend more time on the Internet than
you do sleeping.
- You have multiple email addresses.
- You've ever setup a LAN in your house.
- You understood the above statement.
- You search the Internet for computer
- Your idea of hurrying is typing faster.
- You keep spare mouse pads.
- You buy your computer gifts.
- You've ever been dumped for paying too
much attention to your computer.
- Someone mentions foreign language and you
- You regularly use a tape backup on files
you have the original disks for.
- You get a new computer, take it out of the
box, and you immediately remove the case.
- You have ever called home to check on your
- You do processes in DOS instead of Windows
not because it is faster, but because it just confuses
- You've ever considered getting a tattoo of
the "Intel Inside" logo.
- You have a pet name for your computer, but
not one for your penis.
- You know every law about computer piracy
by heart, because you've been convicted on all of them.
- You no longer interact with your family,
you send them email instead; in the same house.
- You check your email before you check your
- You can program the next best thing to
Windows, but you still can't get your VCR to stop
- You have more insurance on your computer
than on your children.
- You receive more chat requests than phone
- You stopped paying for call waiting
because it kept knocking you off-line.
- You don't immediately go into gibbering
panic when you hear of a new computer virus.
- You've ever emailed your assignment in to
- You've ever tried to see how far you can
move the mouse without turning off the screen saver.
- You have dialed 911 and faxed them your
- You call in sick to work over your
- Your first aid kit contains Norton's
- You know what the acronyms HTML, URL, ISP,
and HTTP each stand for.
- You tinker with computers at work all day,
and when you finally get off work, you rush home to
tinker with your computer.
- You dedicate your home page to your
favorite actress in hopes that she will see it and desire
to meet you.
- You have more than one home page.
- The closest you ever come to having sex is
downloading nude pictures off of the Internet.
- You have a better computer system at home
than at work.
- You get jealous when other people use your
- You run back into your burning home to
rescue your computer, but you leave the dog.
- You know exactly how much hard drive space
you have free, but you don't know your spouse's birthday.
- You run Windows 95 and Windows 3.1 just
because you can.
- You have the high score on Jezz Ball.
- You know what word 31337 stands for.
- You keep spare computer parts around the
More You Might Be a Computer Nerd If...
written by Mike Terzo
- If you have more drives than there are letters in the alphabet.
- If you have to run software to use all of your RAM.
- If you have more data CDs than music CDs.
- When you buy music CDs you find yourself checking for the "Designed
for Windows 95" logo.
- You run a Windows 3.1 interface inside of Windows 95.
- Your sound card cost more than your stereo.
- Your computer has more processors than com ports.
- Your computer boots to the theme of Hackers.
- You have more network rights and access than your professors.