(In)Famous Laws

ZYMURGY'S FIRST LAW OF EVOLVING SYSTEMS DYNAMICS
Once you open a can of worms, the only way to recan them is to use a larger can.

ETORRE'S OBSERVATION
The other line moves faster.

THE UNSPEAKABLE LAW
As soon as you mention something ....
... if it's good, it goes away
... if it's bad, it happens.

NONRECIPROCAL LAWS OF EXPECTATIONS
Negative expectations yield negative results. Positive expectations yield negative results.

HOWE'S LAW
Every man has a scheme that will not work.

SKINNER'S CONSTANT (FLANAGAN'S FINAGLING FACTOR)
That quantity which, when multiplied by, divided by, added to, or subtracted from the answer you get, gives you the answer you should have got.

MURPHY'S LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.

JENNING'S COROLLARY TO MURPHY'S LAW OF SELECTIVE GRAVITY
The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

GORDON'S FIRST LAW
If a research project is not worth doing at all, it is not worth doing well.

MAIER'S LAW
If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of.

HOARE'S LAW OF LARGE PROBLEMS
Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out.

BOREN'S FIRST LAW
When in doubt, mumble.

BARTH'S DISTINCTION
There are two types of people: those who divide people into two types, and those who don't.

SEGAL'S LAW
A man with one watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.

THE NINETY-NINETY RULE OF PROJECT SCHEDULES
The first 90 % of the task takes 90 % of the time, and the last 10 % takes the other 90 %

FARBER'S FOURTH LAW
Necessity is the mother of strange bedfellows.

Imbesi's Law
In order for something to become clean, something else must become dirty.

Freeman's Extension
...but you can get everything dirty without getting anything clean.

Law of the Search
The first place to look for anything is the last place you would expect to find it.

Maryann's Law
You can always find what you're not looking for.

The Cardinal Conundrum
An optimist believes we live in the best of all possible worlds. A pessimist fears this is true.

Etorre's Observation
The other line moves faster.

Witten's Law
Whenever you cut your fingernails you will find a need for them an hour later.

The Law of the Letter
The best way to inspire fresh thoughts is to seal the letter.

Matz's Maxim
A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

Hlade's Law
If you have a difficult task give it to a lazy man - he will find an easier way to do it.

Laws of Class Scheduling
1.If the course you wanted most has room for N number of students, you will be the N+1 student to apply.
2.Class schedules are designed so every student will waste the maximum time between classes.
Corallary: When you are occasionally able to schedule two classes in a row, they will be held in classrooms at opposite ends of the campus.
3.A prerequisite for a desired course will be offered only during the semester following the desired course.

Seits' Law
The one course you must take to graduate will not be offered during your last semester.

Principles for Patients
1.Just because your doctor has a name for your condition don't mean he knows what it is.
2.The more boring and out-of-date the magazines in the waiting room , the longer you will have to wait for your scheduled appointment.

Sinteto's First Law
A 60-day warranty guarantees that the product will self-destruct on the 61st day.

Hamilton's Rule for Cleaning Glassware
The spot you are scrubbning is always on the other side.

Witzling's Laws
1.Any child who chatters nonstop at home will adamantly refuse to utter a word when requested to demonstrate for an audience.
2. Any shy, introverted child will choose a crowded public area to loudly demonstraet newly acquired vocabulary (damn, penis, etc.).

Ballance's Law
How long a minute is depends on which sides of the bathroom door you're on.

Law of Returns
If you have watched a TV series only once, and you watch it again, it will be a rerun of the same episode.