Kaila Natura

You know you're Italian when...

You're 6'4", can bench press 325 pounds, shave twice a day, but you still cry when your mother yells at you.
You carry your lunch in a Weston Produce bag because you can't fit 2 mortadella & mozzarella "sandwiches", 4 oranges,3 bananas, a jar of olives, a loaf of Pasta Dura and a Salami into a regular paper lunch bag.
Your father owns 5 houses, has $300,000 in the bank, but still drives a '76 Monaro.
Your mother owns 3 houses, has $400,000 in the bank but still believes she's entitled to the pension.
You share one bathroom with your 5 brothers and 7 sisters, have no money, but drive a $75,000 Club Sport.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant and travel agent are all blood relatives.

You know you're a Gino when....

You have a $6,000 sound system in your XD Falcon.
You wear a La Porchettas shirt and indoor soccer shoes to midnight mass.
Your 2 best friends are your cousin and brother-in-law's brother-in-law.
You own a tape that has Stevie B, Pearl Jam,and Ricki Martin on the same side.
You find it necessary to carry a pager despite the fact that you are a part-time produce clerk at Rocky's fruit market.
You own a "Ferrari Grand Prix" T-shirt from each of the last 10 years.
Although you are at a disco 4 nights a week, you still can't drink more than 2 Ouzo & Cokes without passing out.
You are a card carrying V.I.P at more than 3 dance clubs.
A favourite summer activity for you and your friends is sitting on the hood of your car blaring "It's A'More" outside the local milk bar.
Despite the hair on your back, you still try to impress the ladies by wearing your "Just do me" tank top to The Metro.

You know you're Calabrese or Sicilian when.....

At least 5 of your cousins live on your street.
All 5 of those cousins are named after your grandfather.
You still wear see-through dress socks and pointy patent leather dress shoes to weddings.
You are married and can still squeeze into your cream white confirmation suit.
In some capacity, there is a dump truck or tandem trailer in your life.
A high school diploma and 1 year of TAFE college has earned you the title of "Professor" among your aunts.
You are on a first name basis with at least 10 banquet hall owners and 15 green grocers.
You have at least one relative named "Maria" or "Bruno"
Every single tape in your car has the dance version of Ave Maria.
The meat you eat is usually a former pet.
It takes 4 disposable blades to shave each side of your face. (I'm not sure if they're referring to a guy or a girl)
If someone in your family grows beyond 5 ft 6", it is presumed your mother had an affair.
There are more than 28 people in your bridal party.
You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
Your father lives in a subdivision and still raises his own chickens and rabbits.
At some point in your life, you were a D.J or mowed the lawns at your uncle's.
You can name more people in the Il Globo obituaries than players on the Italia Soccer Team.
30 years after immigrating, your parents still say "Pronto" when answering the phone.
You and your wife/husband have matching beanies for those cold winter mornings.
You are offended when the wedding you attend serves less than 9 courses despite the fact that you don't eat half of it.
You ask "How much for cash?" when buying but will accept 'gifts' in exchange for cash when selling.
You are not materialistic but insist a $500 wedding present is nothing.
You think have a concrete backyard is nice.
You think having swans in a big fountain in the front yard next to the vegie patch is tasteful.
You actually believe everyone eats those sugared almonds in the bonboniere at your wedding.
You always have a friend who 'owes you a favour'.