You Might Be an Engineer
| Are you an engineer?|
Are you considering becoming an engineer?
Are you SURE that's what you want?
If you think you're an engineer, read on and confirm your fears.
If you're thinking of becoming an engineer, read on and confirm your fears.
YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER...
- If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
- If you enjoy pain.
- If you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
- If you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."
- If you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
- If you look in a mirror, you see an engineering major.
- If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
- If you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."
- If you always do homework on Friday nights.
- If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
- If you think in "math."
- If you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
- If you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
- If you have a pet named after a scientist.
- If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
- If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the
Schroedinger's Cat experiment.
- If you can translate English into Binary.
- If you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."
- If you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
- If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
- If you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
- If you consider ANY non-science course "easy."
- If your professor asks you where your homework is, and you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
- If the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
- If you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
- If you understood more than five of these indicators.
- If you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
- If you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of e-mail. (Or post it on the web)
- If you introduce your wife as firstname.lastname@example.org
- If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
- If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
- If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
- If Dilbert is your hero
- If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
- If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
- If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
- If your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50
- If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
- If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
- If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
- If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
- If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find
- the burnt-out bulb in the string
- If you window shop at Radio Shack
- If your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies
- If you have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area
- If you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run
- If you are convinced you can build a phazer out of your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment
- If you don't even know where the cover to your personal computer is
- If you have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven
- If you know the direction the water swirls when you flush
- If you own Official Star Trek anything
- If you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside
- If a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception
- If you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project
- If you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor
- If you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts
- If you have never backed-up your hard drive
- If you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud
- If you truly believe aliens are living among us
- If you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance
- If you have ever purchased an electronic appliance as-is
- If you see a good design and still have to change it
- If the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions
- If you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it
- If the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind
- If you own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don't remember where they are
- If you rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires
- If you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal
- If you have more toys than your kids
- If you need a checklist to turn on the TV
- If you have introduced your kids by the wrong name
- If you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work
- If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight
- If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don't work and you shove up to the front to fix it
- If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary
- If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already
- If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for
- If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family's first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal
- If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use
- If you can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting
- If people groan at the party when you pick out the music
- If you can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week
- If you did the sound system for your senior prom
- If your checkbook always balances
- If your wristwatch has more buttons than a telephone
- If you have more friends on the Internet than in real life
- If you thought the real heroes of Apollo 13 were the mission controllers
- If you think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep
- If you spend more on your home computer than your car
- If you know what http:/ stands for
- If you've ever tried to repair a $5.00 radio
- If you have a neatly sorted collection of old bolts and nuts in your garage
- If your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory
- If your lap-top computer costs more than your car
- If your 4 basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine 2. Fat 3. Sugar 4. Chocolate