Things To Do During A Download or A Watched File Never Finishes

Ahhh, the lure of free software, the natural curiosity of the slightly unknown...seems we spend the majority of our waking online hours waiting for the dreaded DOWNLOAD. Might as well make use of the time.

Of course, savvy users have already figured out it ain't hard to keep two platforms busy at once, kind of like the guy spinning multiple plates on sticks, the more the merrier - and busier!

But the other 99% of us, relegated to one computer at a time, should consider the following things to do during a download to pass the time...

Buff your mouse pad

Make a list of other things to download

Play a percussive beat on your thighs in time with your modem

Count to 500 in "click" language

Go outside and actually breathe fresh air (don't overdo!)

Do a pushup for every blue bar on the progress meter

11% Done!

Name the presidents

Play "Dark Side Of the Moon" side one

Relace your shoes

Read every classified listing for "Programmers"

Carefully clean your mouse rollers and track ball

Hone your monitor's picture to ridiculous perfection

23% Done!

Fill out all of your registration cards in triplicate

Alphabetize your diskettes

Alphabetize your CD-ROMs

Re-alphabetize your diskettes and CD-ROMs together

32% Done!

Cut your fingernails

See how may other words you can make from "download"

Make a sculpture out of your fingernail clippings

Play "Dark Side Of the Moon" side two

Time to windex that monitor again!

44% Done!

Might as well balance the old checkbook

Practice the "rubber pencil" routine

Weed out the rolodex

Buff the mouse pad -- oops, already did that!

French braid (optional)

52% Done!

"This would be a good time to register your software" (done that!)

De-kid proof the butane lighter


Solitaire round 2

Solitaire round 3 (no cheating this time)

Alright, just one beer

65% Done!

Think of good domain names to pre-buy

Peruse the Egghead mailer again

67% Done!

Re-label file folders in all caps

Penny rolls, penny rolls, penny rolls

73% Done!

Color code your extra cables

78% Done!

Find all celebrities that share your birthdate

83% Done!

Nerf basketball to 100!

94% Done!

100 situps

98% Done!

Get ready....

Connection Terminated - Start Over!

Find a pistol... |