Consumer Goods

In case you needed further proof that the Human Race is doomed through stupidity, 
here are some actual label instructions on consumer products :

       1. On a blanket from Taiwan -
       NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO.

       2. On a helmet mounted mirror used by US cyclists -
       REMEMBER, OBJECTS IN THE MIRROR ARE ACTUALLY BEHIND YOU.

       3. On a Taiwanese shampoo -
       USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE.

       4. On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavoured milk drink
       AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT.

       5. On a New Zealand insect spray -
       THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS.

      6. In a US guide to setting up a new computer -
      TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO
      WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING.
       (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.)

       7. On a Japanese product used to relieve painful haemorrhoids
       LIE DOWN ON BED AND INSERT POSCOOL SLOWLY UP TO THE
       PROJECTED PORTION LIKE A SWORD-GUARD INTO ANAL  DUCT. WHILE INSERTING POSCOOL
       FOR APPROXIMATELY 5 MINUTES, KEEP QUIET.

       8. In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles
       OPEN OTHER END.

       9. On a packet of Sunmaid raisins -
       WHY NOT TRY TOSSING OVER YOUR FAVOURITE BREAKFAST CEREAL?

      10. On a Sears hairdryer -
       DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING.

       11. On a bag of Fritos -
       YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY.DETAILS INSIDE.
       (The shoplifter special!)

       12. On a bar of Dial soap -
       DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP.
       (And that would be how?)

       13. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) 
       DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN.
       (Too late! You lose!)

       14. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding -
       PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING.

       15. On a Korean kitchen knife -
       WARNING KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN.

       16. On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights -
       FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY.
       (As opposed to....?)

       17. On a Japanese food processor -
       NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE.
       (Now I'm curious.)

       18. On Sainsbury's peanuts -
       WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS.

       19. On an American Airlines packet of nuts
       INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS.

       20. On a Swedish chainsaw -
       DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR GENITALS.
       (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?)

       21. On a child's superman costume -
       WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY.
       (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!)

       22. On some frozen dinners
       SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST.

      23. On a hotel provided shower cap in a box
      FITS ONE HEAD.

       24. On packaging for a Rowenta iron
       DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY.

       25. On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine
       DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY.
Actual Label Instructions on Consumer Goods:

*On Sears hair dryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

* On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner!  No purchase necessary.  Details inside.

* On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions:  Use like regular soap.

* Some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

* On a hotel-provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

* On Tesco's Tiramisu desert:
Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)

* On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

* On packaging for a Rowenta Iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

* On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

* On Nytol (a sleep aid):
Warning: May cause drowsiness.

* On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children.

* On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

* On a Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

* On Sainsbury's Peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

* On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

* On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.