Living in Canada

DEAR DIARY

Aug. 12 - Moved to our new home in Canada.  I am so excited. It's so
beautiful here.  The mountains are so majestic.  Can hardly wait to see
them with snow covering them.

Oct. 14 - Canada.  It is the most beautiful place on earth. The leaves
have
turned all colours and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through
the beautiful countryside and saw some deer. They are so graceful.
Certainly they are the most wonderful animals on earth. This must be
paradise.  I love it here.

Nov. 11 - Remembrance Day.  Deer season starts soon.  I can't imagine
anyone wanting to kill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it snows soon.  I
love it here.

Dec. 2 - It snowed last night.  Woke up to find everything blanketed with
white.  It looks like a postcard.  We went outside and cleaned the snow
off
the steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won). When
the snow plough came by we had to shovel the driveway again. What a
beautiful place.  I love Canada.

Dec. 12 - More snow last night.  The snow plough did his trick again to
the
driveway.  I love it here.

Dec. 19 - More snow last night.  Couldn't get out of the driveway to get
to
work.  It's beautiful here but I'm exhausted from shoveling. Fucking snow
plough.

Dec. 22 - More of that white shit fell last night.  I've got blisters on
my
hands and a sore back from shoveling.  I think the snow plough hides
around
the corner until I'm done shoveling the driveway.  Asshole.

Dec. 25 - Merry Fucking Christmas!  More frigging snow.  If I ever get my
hands on the son-of-a-bitch who drives the snow plough, I swear I'll kill
the bastard.  Don't know why they don't use more salt on the roads to melt
the fucking ice.

Dec. 27 - More white shit last night.  Been inside for three days now
except for shoveling out the driveway after that snow plough goes through
every time.  Can't go anywhere, the car's stuck in a mountain of white
shit
and it's so frigging cold.  The weatherman says to expect another 10
inches
of the shit again tonight. Do you know how many shovels full of snow 10
inches is?

Dec. 28 - That fucking weatherman was wrong.  We got 34 inches of the shit
this time.  At this rate it won't melt before summer. The snow plough got
stuck up in the road and that bastard came to my door and asked to borrow
my shovel.  After I told him that I had already broken six shovels
shoveling out all the shit he had pushed into my driveway, I damn near
broke my last one over his fucking head.

Jan. 4 - Finally got out of the house today.  Went to the store to get
food
and on my way back a damned deer ran in front of the car. Did about $3,000
damage to the car.  Those fucking beasts should be killed.  The bastards
are everywhere.  Wish the hunters had exterminated them all last November.

May 3 - Took the car to the garage in town.  Would you believe the thing
is
rusted out from all that fucking salt they put all over the roads.

May 10 - Moved to Florida.  I can't imagine why anyone in their right mind
would ever want to live in such a God forsaken place as Canada.