You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline -- it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear  weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
-- Frank Zappa

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you  to keep your mouth shut.
-- Ernest Hemingway

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
-- Winston Churchill

He was a wise man who invented beer.
-- Plato

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
-- Catherine Zandonella

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
-- David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking class.
-- Oscar Wilde

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-- Henny Youngman

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
-- Benjamin Franklin

People who drink lite "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot.
-- Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI

Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that  a pig wouldn't eat.
-- David Geary

Put it back in the horse!
-- H. Allen Smith, an American humorist in the '30s-'50s, after he drank his first American beer at a bar.
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
-- David Moulton

I like beer. On occasion, I will even drink beer to celebrate a major event such as the fall of Communism or the fact that the refrigerator  is still working.
-- Dave Barry

Over the past few years, scientists at Heinz say they've been  developing what they say is a revolutionary new kind of baby bottle. It's a baby bottle actually shaped like a woman's breasts. If that's true, forget  baby bottles, make beer bottles.
-- Jay Leno

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but  the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
-- Dave Barry