Kaila Natura

Bagpipe Humour

Q. How do you get two bagpipes to play in perfect unison?
A. Shoot one.
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Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and an onion?
A. No one cries when you chop up a bagpipe.
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Q. What's the difference between a bagpipe and a trampoline?
A. You take off your shoes when you jump on a trampoline.
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Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
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Q. How is playing a bagpipe like throwing a javelin blindfolded?
A. You don't have to be very good to get people's attention.
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Q. What's the difference between a lawn mower and a bagpipe?
A. You can tune the lawn mower. Also, the owner's neighbors are upset if you borrow the lawn mower and don't return it.
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Q. If you were lost in the woods, who would you trust for directions: an in-tune bagpipe player,
an out-of-tune bagpipe player, or Santa Claus?
A. The out-of-tune bagpipe player. The other two indicate you have been
hallucinating.
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Q. How do you make a chain saw sound like a bagpipe?
A. Add vibrato.
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Q. What's the definition of a gentleman?
A. Someone who knows how to play the bagpipe and doesn't.
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Q. What's the difference between a dead snake in the road and dead bagpiper in the road?
A. Skid marks in front of the snake.
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Q. What's the difference between a dead bagpiper in the road and a dead country singer in the road?
A. The country singer may have been on the way to a recording session.
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Q. What's the range of a bagpipe?
A. Twenty yards if you have a good arm.
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Q. Why are bagpipers fingers like lightning?
A. They rarely strike the same spot twice.
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Q. How can you tell if a bagpipe is out of tune?
A. Someone is blowing into it.
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If you took all the bagpipers in the world and laid them end to end--it would be a good idea.
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Q. What do you call ten bagpipes at the bottom of the ocean?
A. A good start.
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Q. Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A. To get away from the sound.
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Q. What's one thing you never hear people say?
A. That's the Porsche of bagpipes.
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Q. What's the definition of "optimism"
A. A bagpiper with a beeper.
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